Our Birth Story
An emergency c-section was not how I imagined my birth story, but, life had other plans.
I've spent all my years trying to learn how to release my grip on how I think life should go, and instead, simply go with the flow.
But, it wasn't until the day my first child who would make me a mother came into this world, that I'd finally learn how to ride the waves of whatever life would send my way.
My sweet son, Romeo, was born on Thursday, November 18th at 1:44pm via emergency c-section. That morning, at 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I woke up at 6:57AM to the unmistakeable feeling that my water had broken.
I had spent weeks leading up to this moment wondering what game day would be like.
My hospital bags were ready, we had completed our 6-week birthing course, our baby clothes were washed and ready, our registry was empty thanks to the generous hearts of our closest friends and family, the car seat was installed, and I had printed out FIVE copies of my immaculately-curated birthing preferences document which were all in a neatly organized folder…. My natural, vaginal birth was about to be underway and I was FULLY PREPARED!
Turns out, nothing happened the way I’d planned on my pretty-little birth sheet.
I took a deep breath with my fiancé knowing the next time we'd be home, we'd have our baby with us.
And off we went.
As soon as I arrived in the hospital parking lot, the contractions began. They were mild, but, they were most definitely starting.
When we got to the room I was supposed to give birth in, I was SO excited: There was a bathtub if I needed it for my natural birth, a bed for dad, and it was exactly what I had envisioned for birth day!
What made me even happier is that the nurse took my birth preferences to heart! Not only did she make SURE everybody who was handing my birth had a copy, but also stuck it to the wall so that everybody could reference my wishes… She was the sweetest, and helped us feel SO confident.
However, there were some things that were against my preferences from the get-go that I already had to start letting go of during pregnancy: A medication-free birth.
I had to have antibiotics and oxytocin drips to address group strep B. This was to avoid severe infection in our newborn. It was also discovered in ultrasounds that I have a bicornuate uterus, and that I might need help medically pushing baby out to avoid hemorrhaging.
Between the two drips AND the increasing intensity of my contractions, I began feeling nauseous. I ate something to settle my stomach...But when that didn't work, I was given a third drip: An anti-nausea.
From this point on, everything escalated quickly.
[Heads up, TMI on the way]: I began vomiting uncontrollably - upwards of ten times. Both my heart rate and baby's had steadily climbed far too high over a very short amount of time. I remember seeing that we'd gone from just one nurse in my room, to seven and an OB speaking to my midwife. My partner supported me as I tried to breathe through intensifying contractions and more vomiting… Baby was making moves, I was 3cm dilated, but…. I was not feeling right.
It was now nearly two hours of baby having a heart rate on or over 185bmp, and me on hands and knees, clearly in distress.
I looked at Will and told him no longer felt this natural birth was the path for me, and that I felt that I needed additional help to keep us safe, even if it had to be a c-section.
An emergency c-section really was what I had spent months not wanting. Up until that minute, it was almost as if I realized I had been holding onto a vision that a vaginal birth was more of a “real” birthing experience than a c-section…. Who was I comparing myself to? Why was I belittling one birthing experience over another, when they both, courageously, bring a new life into this world?
It became clear that I also had a birthing narrative I had unconsciously been holding on to that was neither true, or, serving me.
And within minutes, this is exactly what the OB suggested. She shared, at that point, it would be dangerous to try and continue labouring with his little heart was working so hard. I felt a total sense of surrender as I agreed to go ahead with a c-section…. I had spent months willing this not to happen so that I could have my natural birth.
But in that moment, that obsession with my preferences vanished. I pictured my baby him working so hard and needing my help…. He needed me to let go of how I thought things HAD to be, to make room for what WAS—
And suddenly, I was at total peace. It was time for surgery. I remember the surrender washing over me into this serene, calm headspace unlike anything I’ve ever felt.
In the commotion of scrambling nurses and doctors, my birth preference sheet floated off the wall, onto the ground...
As medical staff trampled over it, each rushing to do their jobs for the new plan, they wheeled me out and I remember chuckling and thinking,
“Oh wow, how poetic! Okay, okay... I hear you.
Release the perfectly curated plan, and embracing the new path, instead.”
ALL that mattered was that our son was delivered safely and no longer in distress. It was time to get my baby out.
While they prepped me for surgery, they also prepped my man in scrubs to be there beside me.
I looked up at the anesthesiologist and asked, “how long until I can see my baby?” Face covered with his mask, his kind eyes glimmered as he replied, “Don’t worry! Your baby will be in your arms in five minutes.”
And he was right.
Romeo was placed on my chest.
My heart erupted.
The tears fell.
Will was beside me as I held our son skin-to-skin.
We were safe.
And everything went precisely as it was always meant to.
* * * * *
The Birth Story Aftermath
With everyone safe, our new family of three’s next chapter was all about healing and processing.
I was not at all prepared at how the recovery from an emergency c-section was going to be. (FYI The first poop after this birth was *actual* agony). Walking, showering, and coughing were all painful. And the sleep deprivation of having a newborn was unreal; we thought we were losing it at some points!
I was struggling with a fever but kept chalking it up to recovery paired with exhaustion. Until we noticed late one night that my incision was leaking….. The wound seemed open, and it had surely gotten infected.
My midwife sent me straight to the emergency room to get my wound assessed by the on-call OB and midwife. It’s no wonder I had a fever. I was lucky enough to only need a course of antibiotics to heal the leakage. But this made the healing process take even longer than I had imagined…
Surrender, surrender, surrender.
By Week 5, I started feeling more like myself again. I began taking walks outside regularly, and by Week 7, I was exercising again with my incision completely sealed and healed!
We’re now three months postpartum and I feel incredible. I look back on this day with such gratitude for my open heart and mind, because they gave me the gift of a safe, peaceful delivery, versus one filled with resentment and heaviness.
Let go of whatever plans you think you have in this life. You can be steadfast on the goal, but, to possess peace and calm throughout the ups and downs, it’s important to remain flexible on how you achieve it. Things may not unfold the way YOU planned, but, that doesn’t mean how it actually unfolds is a bad thing!
I believe The Universe is waiting for us to let Her in, so that She can take our hand, and lead us down our Divine paths that were always designed for us in the first place.
My son is already the wisest teacher I’ve ever had. My birth story didn’t go as I initially hoped, but I am SO thankful for how it turned out, and, for what I’ve learned thanks to surrendering to it. These are now moments and memories that I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life!
So, to anything you’re holding on to— consider releasing it. The anxious grip you have on your “plan”, or your fear of change, might be in the way of the lessons you are actually destined to finally learn, or the path you were always meant to walk!
My new birthing scar is just one of the millions of profound marks my little love will leave on me and my heart, forever.
xoxo
Amanda