A New Chapter

We’re expecting, I’m pregnant!

Pregnant—I think I’ve repeated the word a thousand times since we found out early-March. 

I was three days late; and given that my period was pretty punctual, I decided I wanted to take a test. 

As always, my man stood by my side. We held our breath. And, slowly, the second line faded in, undeniably.

In that moment, I saw my life flash before my eyes— memories of my younger self flickering by… From kindergarten, up until that very moment, and everything in between. 

I slowly sat down on the edge of the bathtub, and got really quiet, immersed in thought.

Now, excitement AND fear both set in. I couldn’t help but wonder: Would this new little being erases ME? And the relationship I’ve spent years cultivating with myself?

I remember a quiet voice within me literally whispering that I wasn’t losing myself— I was actually about to GAIN an entirely new realm and chapter of my Being…. 

It’s because I have spent all these years getting to know and love myself, 

All these years diving in to personal development, therapy, and self-trust,

All these years of rebuilding myself when I’d been knocked down, piece by piece, 

That I KNEW I wasn’t losing myself.

I was gaining another sovereign tool in my tool-belt: The unshakeable belief that I have my own back to figure anything out... 

…Even an experience as colossal as becoming a mother.  

During this time that I sat on the tub deep in thought, my man just started at me. (Likely amazed, as this was probably the quietest he’s EVER seen me, lol).

He leaned in, took my hands in his, and guided me off the cold tub to sit down in our room. 

We stared at each other and between laughter, hugs, tears, total shock and fear, the rest of the night was a blur of emotion. 

I’ve always found writing cathartic, so I said we should share our excitement and fears by writing them out. 

We grabbed a pen and started writing out all the things that would inevitably change— things we were excited about, and things we would miss/uncertain about. It allowed us to acknowledge the massive ways this little peanut would impact our reality forever. And it helped us realize just how EXCITED we were for these new changes. 

The journaling hasn’t stopped since. 

Every day, I take a moment to note a gratitude for the way things are right now, as I know they will never be this way again. 

My body is changing.

My internal Self is shifting. 

All while I literally grow a human person. 

My gratitude for my body has quadrupled. A woman’s body is to be marvelled at and adored, always and in all ways— and I’m finding myself even more amazed at this physical vessel as I expand, figuratively and literally. 

It’s Trimester two now! And that moment in the bathroom feels like years ago... 

Turns out, so far, change is feeling pretty. damn. good. 

Buckle up! We’re in for a wild ride.